


i remember it all too well

by crazyaboutthem



Category: Jurassic World Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, huge spoilers for evolution of claire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 00:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15762837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyaboutthem/pseuds/crazyaboutthem
Summary: She’s hiding. She knows she’s hiding, and she hates herself for it. It’s the coward’s way out (not that she wants out. She doesn’t. Right?). But he just took her completely off guard, and if there’s something that Claire Dearing isn’t used to, is being taken off guard.





	i remember it all too well

**Author's Note:**

> well,, i recently finished 'the evolution of claire', and i cried a lot, and i'm sad because i want to re-read it until i die, but anyways, i just kept wondering what it would be like for claire to tell owen about everything that happened during that summer, and this was born. if you have not read 'the evolution of claire', this piece literally spoils EVERYTHING, so be warned. also, i suck at retelling things, so i definitely did not do it justice, so, if by any chance tess sharpe is here, please, run away.

She’s hiding. She knows she’s hiding, and she hates herself for it. It’s the coward’s way out (not that she wants out. She doesn’t. Right?). But he just took her completely off guard, and if there’s something that Claire Dearing isn’t used to, is being taken off guard.

She hates this entire situation. Nothing about it makes sense. They were _fine_. This whole thing is absurd, and out of nowhere, and she doesn’t even remember why she’s hiding at her sister’s house. Karen doesn’t know she’s hiding. At least, Claire thinks she doesn’t know. Her sister’s always been weirdly intuitive when it came to her.

They’re sitting at Karen’s kitchen table, just drinking some tea, and talking about Zach going off to college. Karen tells her that the boys are doing much better, and Zach’s been working really hard at school, and he’s actually thinking about studying something related to animals. Owen will be thrilled.

Claire is thrilled as well. She loves her nephews, and she’s _so_ glad they’re doing better, and she is so, _so_ happy Zach’s managed to turn this whole experience into something positive in his life. He didn’t let it break him, instead he used it to help him find himself. She remembers doing that once, a long time ago. It certainly feels like a lifetime ago. Maybe she can ask her nephew to give her a few pointers on how to do it again. She’s certainly forgotten how to do it.

“Claire”, Karen calls her attention, and she realizes she hasn’t been listening to a single word that’s been coming out of her sister’s mouth.

“Sorry,” Claire replies. “I was thinking about Zach, and college. What were you saying?”

Karen looks at her skeptically for a few seconds, but decides to let it go. “I was asking if you and Owen will be coming to Gray’s end-of-the-year play on the 30th.”

Claire forces a smile on her face, and nods. “Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”

Karen nods, and takes a sip of her tea. “Both of you?”, she prods.

Claire stares at her sister, who stares right back at her. “Yes,” she says, not as confidently as she meant to sound.

Karen’s eyes pierce her down, and she sees right through her. “Is everything okay?” she asks, carefully.

“Yes, of course,” Claire insists, but her voice breaks, and a tear leaves her eye without her permission.

Karen looks at her, and she sees tenderness there, but never sympathy, because her sister knows how much she _hates_ sympathy, and this whole thing makes her cry even more. “Claire,” Karen whispers, as she lets go of her mug and grasps Claire’s hand on the table. “What’s wrong?”

A few more tears leave Claire’s eyes as her sister patiently waits for her to be ready. Claire squeezes Karen’s hand, gets up and goes into the bathroom down the hall.

Karen sighs, and goes about refilling their mugs with more tea. Claire needs to feel in control before she starts speaking, and she knows that. Claire always talks to her, but she just needs to feel good and ready before she does anything, and Karen respects that.

When Claire comes back into the kitchen, Karen is sitting down at the table, a fresh steaming mug of tea waiting for her. Claire takes her seat back and for a while, neither women say a word. Until Claire can’t take the silence anymore, so she takes a deep breath.

“When you were with Scott, did you tell him everything?”, she asks, hesitantly.

Karen doesn’t answer right away. Her left finger rolls around the edge of the mug as she looks up in thought. Claire always wondered why people look up when they’re trying to remember something. Are they asking God? She almost snorts because that is such an un-Claire thought that it takes her by surprise, which seems to be a common occurrence lately.

“What do you mean?”, Karen asks, taking Claire out of her reverie. “What’s _everything_?”

“Well,” Claire hesitates. “I’m mostly asking about your past,” she says, wondering if Karen has put two and two together yet.

“Romantic past?” Karen insists.

“Past mistakes,” Claire whispers, hesitantly. She can see the understanding coloring her sister’s face, and she doesn’t reply right away. Karen usually does this when the next words that she’s going to say are important, so she gives them space, as well as a warning to the listener. _This is important. I’m pausing so you can focus and grasp every single word and their meaning._

“I’d like to believe I told him everything that’s important.” Claire nods, and stares at her tea. “It builds trust,” Karen adds.

Claire takes a sip of her tea. She doesn’t really want to, but her mouth has turned dry, and she needs a second to gather her thoughts before she says anything.

“However,” Karen says, and Claire looks up at her. “I didn’t say a word until I was certain that what we had meant something to him as well. That we both had similar goals for our relationship, you know?”

Claire’s eyes fill with tears as she nods at her sister. She gets what she’s trying to say, but she doesn’t think Karen would appreciate her answer to that.

Karen hasn’t been exactly supportive of her relationship with Owen. It’s not that she dislikes Owen, quite the opposite actually. She acknowledges and appreciates how helpful and supportive he’s been of Claire and the boys. But Karen doesn’t understand how their relationship itself has evolved. One day they hated each other, and the next, they were living together. Karen can’t grasp that happening, ever. The same way Claire has always had a ten year plan for her career, Karen has a plan for relationships. And that plan certainly does not involve living together 24 hours after a first kiss.

It wasn’t literally like that, and they both know that, but it sure feels that way. After the incident, and after they were both free to leave Costa Rica, they went back to San Diego, and Owen got his own place. He kept that place for three months, but they mostly slept at her place. Spending the night together became as necessary as breathing, because no one else knew what to do when either of them woke up screaming from a nightmare. So after three months, Claire told him to just leave his place and move in. _It’s more practical_ , she said. _That way, you don’t have to keep going back for fresh clothes and laundry_ , she reasoned.

Karen turned her nose up at the situation, but didn’t say a word. She knew they would fall on deaf ears.

So, yeah, Claire knew Karen would not like the fact that she was pretty sure she knew where she wanted her relationship with Owen to go, and she was pretty sure Owen felt the same way. But she feels like there’s a huge wall in the way, preventing her, and them, from getting to that place. And she doesn’t really know what to do about it.

“Look,” Karen says, interrupting her thoughts. “I can’t tell you what to do. You’re a grown woman, and you know your own heart and mind better than anyone. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. I can listen to you, but I think we both know you’ve already made up your mind.”

Clare sighs, and nods. It’s true. She knows what she wants to do. She’s just afraid of the consequences.

“Tell him,” Karen says, and Claire looks up at her, surprised. She knew Karen wouldn’t discourage her, but she never thought she’d _en_ courage her.

Karen smiles, knowingly. “I know I have my doubts, but I don’t matter here. As long as you’re sure, I’ll trust you.”

Claire smiles, and squeezes her sister’s hand once more.

* * *

When Claire unlocks her apartment door and walks in, silence and darkness welcome her, and she panics, until she hears a light snore coming from the couch. She closes the door, and uses her phone’s flashlight to walk to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She felt fine after talking to Karen, but the closer she got to the apartment, the drier her mouth got.

She opens the fridge and gets a bottle of water, but as she’s closing it, the door somehow slips away from her and it slams shut.

“Dammit,” she whispers.

She hears faint rumbling coming from the couch, followed by, “Claire?”

“Hey,” she says, as Owen walks up to the small bar separating the kitchen from the living room and flips the light switch on. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, as he looks at her, hesitantly.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, she realizes her phone’s flashlight is still on, so she turns it off, and turns around to grab a take out menu out of the drawer. “Chinese okay for dinner?” she asks.

Owen says nothing, so she turns back and looks at him, expectantly. “Claire, are you okay?” he asks. Claire takes a sharp intake of breath, and lets it out, shakily. Is she okay? _Not particularly_.

Owen’s expression changes to one of slight panic. “Are _we_ okay?”

Claire’s eyes fill with tears, because she doesn’t know, but she wants to know, and she wants certainty, and she can’t have that right now. Owen walks around the bar and wraps his arms around her. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s gonna be okay.” Claire shudders and wraps herself around him, pushing her forehead against his chest, just to feel his warmth.

They stay like that for a while, until Claire stops crying, and she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he says, pulling back from her so he can look her in the eye. “I completely overreacted. I was frustrated at myself for other things and I took it out on you, and you don’t deserve that. And, most importantly, I didn’t mean any of it.”

Claire hesitates at that. She knows the whole thing really came out of nowhere. One minute, he’s making the bed, and the next they’re yelling at each other.

“Let me do it, Owen,” she’d said.

“Will you ever let me do anything for you?” he’d snapped.

“I don’t need you to do anything for me. I’m perfectly capable of doing things on my own, thank you very much,” she’d replied back, icily.

“Well, you certainly needed me to help you find your nephews out in the jungle, didn’t you?” he spit back, and she froze.

“What?” she’d whispered.

But he didn’t seem to regret his words. “I could have died, you know that, right?”

Her mouth had opened and closed trying to find something, _anything_ , to reply, but she’d come up with nothing. Never in a million years did she think those words would ever come out of his mouth. Words that hurt her where it hurt the most. It _still_ fucking _hurt_.

She’d carefully and silently finished making the bed, and he’d stalked off into the living room and turned the TV on. She could hear that annoying zapping noise when she’d left the apartment to go to her sister’s house.

“Claire,” Owen’s voice calls her back to the present. “Please, believe me. I did _not_ mean what I said. I was grumpy and tired, and I took it out on you; and that’s absolutely no excuse for saying what I said, but it’s the only way I can explain why it happened.” He cups her cheeks and looks at her straight in the eye. “I am _extremely_ glad you asked for my help, even though I am sure you could have handled yourself just as well without it, and I am _extremely_ glad I chose to help you. Because it was my decision, it was not on you. If I had to go back, I’d do the exact same thing, a thousand times. Please believe me.”

Claire’s eyes fill with tears, as her hands grasp his hand on her cheeks, and she nods. He pulls her against him and kisses her. Claire kisses him back for a few seconds, but pulls away sooner than they’d both prefer. She needs to get this out before she loses her will to do so.

She holds him at an arm’s length, because she needs clarity to organize her thoughts.

Owen recognizes the look on her face, and steps back. He grabs her hand and leads her to the couch so they can both sit. She sits down, but two seconds later she stands up, and starts pacing. Owen sits back, and patiently waits for her.

Suddenly, Claire stops pacing, and looks at him. “Did you know that I’d been at Jurassic World ever since I graduated college?”

“Yeah,” Owen says, not sure where this is coming from, or where it’s going.

“I was chosen, along with eleven other people, who were also right out of college, for an internship program called Bright Minds,” she continues, and he nods. He knows this, it was on her professional profile back at the park. The one he’d read every night before asking her out on a date.

“Do you know anything about what happened the summer of my internship? The summer before the park opened?” she asks, hesitantly.

Owen frowns. He has no idea what she is talking about. Until, he remembers Barry and one of the guys from ACU talking when they first brought Blue’s pack into the paddock. “I remember hearing rumors, about a kid dying on the island.”

Claire nods, shakily. “Yes. Do you know anything about it?”

“No,” Owen replies. “Just that a kid died from a Raptor attack.” Claire visibly shudders, and now Owen’s really worried. “Did you know him?”

Claire takes a shuddering breath before she gathers up the courage to continue. “I’ll tell you, but I need you to please let me finish before you say anything, because I can’t get this out twice, okay?”

Owen nods, clearly worried, because this is way more serious than he’d ever thought.

Claire takes a deep breath, and she begins. “I was never popular in any social circle. I was always too focused, too driven for my peers. This was the same in college. I always felt like a fish out of fresh water. Until I arrived at Jurassic World.

“I was fresh out of college, and I had no idea of how the world really worked. I had very different goals back then. I wanted to go into politics, to help animals have a better life, working through the system, you know?”

Owen lifts his eyebrows, clearly surprised by this. She pays no attention to this, and carries on.

“On my flight to Costa Rica, I met Justin. He sat next to me, and we talked about paleontology and ethics for a while. He was unlike any other guy my age I’d ever met,” she says, wistfully, and Owen can kind of see where this is going, and he’s not liking it.

“It turned out he was also one of the Bright Minds intern, he was into business. We got along really well, we really clicked, and we both had feelings for each other, but it took us quite a while for us to act on them.

“Two of the other interns were twins, Tanya, who was my roommate, and Eric. They had a little sister back home, who was sick. She had a heart condition.”

Claire takes a breath. She’s gotten through the easy part. It feels weird to talk about these people. She hasn’t talked to any of her old friends in a long time. She was the only one who stayed on the island after that summer. And Justin. She hasn’t talked about Justin outloud in forever. She still sends a card to his mother every year, on Justin’s birthday. She’s kept tabs of the Skye siblings, mostly through Mr. Masrani, but she’s never talked to them. The last time she talked to Tanya was at that holding cell.

“Justin was helping me figure something out. I’d found an old diary under my bed from a girl that had been an intern before our group came along, but that was all kept secret because the girl, Izzie, had died when, during a storm, she’d stayed and helped one of the Brachiosauruses. Izzie was trying to figure out what was making the Brachiosauruses sick, since they both had throat infections. And, using her notes and with Justin’s help, I’d figured it out. But, we’d also found out someone was spying on the park. And it turned out it was Tanya and Eric.”

She has to pause again for a second, and Owen is so enthralled in the story, it feels like she’s retelling a novel, and not her first summer out of college. She forces herself to continue so she can get this over with.

“They’d both come to Jurassic World to spy for a company that would, in return, treat and cure their little sister, free of charge.

“One night, the night they were bringing the Raptor to Isla Nublar from Isla Sorna, Tanya and Eric were messing with the power grid on the raptor paddock, and when Justin and I found them, they freaked and Eric made a wrong movement and the power went out. Which meant the gates would open, and the Raptor could get out to the park. She had spotted us already, and we started running, and I did the only thing I thought to do, which was to use the manual override to close the gate to the rest of the park, locking us in with her.”

Claire is shaking, visibly trembling, struggling to get her words out. She’d never recounted the whole night with as much detail after she’d talked to Mr. Masrani and Oscar. Not even to her parents, or her sister. She’d given a quick recount of what had happened, but not like this. She can tell Owen wants to get up and grab her hand, or hug her, or touch her in any way so as to comfort her, but she gives a small shake with her head. If he touches her, she’ll break down, and she needs to get this out. So, she pushes through the pain.

“We couldn’t see a thing, but we knew she could see us, so we were trying to find an armory, and we did. We found it. Tanya jumped in first, followed by Eric, and then Justin. But, when I was about to jump in, the Raptor was coming for me, so I had to jump the other way, and fell down an embankment. It was dark and all I could do was keep running, and try to be as silent as I could, but she found me. She was staring at me, about to pounce on me, until Justin yells at the Raptor, getting her attention. He came back for me, and we ran together, until we saw the armory. We were next to a tree, and I was about to run towards the weapons, but Justin pulled me back, because she was right there with us, right next to the weapons. Justin looked at me, and--”

She’s full out crying now, and there’s not a thing she can do to stop it, and Owen wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and never let go, because he knows. He can see exactly how this is going to end, and he almost doesn’t want her to finish. Maybe if she never says it out loud, it never happened.

But it did happen. It happened to her, and she’s obviously moved on, rebuilt her life, and herself; but this is still such a huge part of her. It always will be. He can relate to that. So, he sits on his hands, and lets her finish.

“I thought he was trying to reassure me, to make me feel that we would be okay, we’d get out of this, and one day we might even laugh about it together. But the second his smile left his face, I knew exactly what he was planning on doing. I tried to stop him, but I was slow, and it all happened so fast. He started screaming and running away from the armory, and from me, and the Raptor went right behind him, leaving a clear path to the armory for me.”

She’s gripping her own hands, as hard as she can, and her eyes are closed, but he can’t bear it anymore. He reaches out for her, and grabs one of her hands in both of his and squeezes it. She takes a deep breath and squeezes back, accepting his comfort, surprised at how it doesn’t break her, but it actually gives her the strength to carry on.

“I got the weapons, and I shocked her right when she was about to pounce on me once again. I eventually found him. He was still alive, but it was too late. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath.”

As soon as she finishes she fully breaks down. She hasn’t really thought about Justin that much since the first couple of months after it happened, and it still hurts so much. She hadn’t realized it still hurt this much.

Owen pulls her down onto his lap and wraps his arms around her, holding her as tight as he can, feeling like she might break, but Claire feels the opposite. She’s already broken, and he’s holding the pieces together. She grabs onto his neck, and hides her face on his chest and just sobs. She sobs it all out. She’s never had anyone to hold her while she sobs, she’s never let herself have anyone.

After a few minutes, Claire finally stops sobbing, and she can breathe again. She feels weird. New.

She pulls back, and Owen’s hand is caressing her cheek, wiping a few stray tears away. “Thank you for telling me,” he whispers.

She nods. “You know,” she says, “it took me a long time to understand the difference between Justin dying _because of_ me, and _for_ me. And even now, sometimes, it’s hard for me to remember.”

“He died for you, and that is not your fault. He saved you, and I know that’s little comfort, but I am sure that was the easiest decision he’d ever made. Because he loved you.” Owen says, trying to muster as much love and comfort into the words as he can. They are hard words to say, and not words anyone ever wants to hear. But they’re the truth.

She nods, slowly, absentmindedly staring at nothing behind him. “I loved him,” she whispers. She’s never said that out loud, to anyone.

“I know. And I’m sure he knew that, too.”

Claire says nothing for a few seconds, until her gaze goes back to his eyes. “Do _you_ know?”

Owen blinks, surprised. “Know what?”

“That I love you,” she says, shyly, but confidently, if there’s such a thing.

Owen’s eyes soften, as he cups her cheek once more. “I do,” he replies. “And I hope you know that I love you, too. Because I do.” Claire smiles at him, and nods, looking down at her lap.

“Claire,” Owen says, hesitantly, and she looks back up at him. “I’m really sorry I said what I said. It was not true and really harsh and plain stupid of me to say.”

“It’s okay,” she says, reassuringly. “I understand.”

“No, Claire,” he insists. “It’s not okay. I put all the weight of my decision on you, and that’s not fair.”

She doesn’t say anything for a second. “I won’t lie to make you feel better. It hurt, and I hated you for saying that,” she says, and Owen feels like absolute shit. “But, I understand it was said in the heat of the moment.”

Owen nods. “Still, do you understand that, even if you’d told me to go back to my cabin, and you’d find them alone, I still would’ve come with you? I don’t regret a single decision I made that day, Claire. Because they brought me here. They brought _us_ here.”

Claire’s eyes fill with tears for what feels like the hundredth time today, and she nods. “I feel the same way.”

Owen smiles at her, and pulls her back in for a kiss. “I love you, darling Dearing.”

Claire laughs at the silly nickname he came up for her when she told him her family used to call her Claire-Bear, and he said he needed to find something equally cute and nauseating to call her.

“I love you, too, Mr. Grady.”


End file.
